HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
