Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
These tits shall not be calmed
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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