ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
