I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
