she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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