she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
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also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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