and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
