Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
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I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
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DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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