maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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