What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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