Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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