i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i dont even know how to be here
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
