Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
