My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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