Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
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i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
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This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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