Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
