I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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