Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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