I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
