At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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