Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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