I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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