he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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