I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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