Old men and throwing up are my life now.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
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I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
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my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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