some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
