I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
