I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
