i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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