Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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