my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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