Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
