he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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