I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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