im six kinds of drunk right now
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
