My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize