How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
