Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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