i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize