imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
