I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
