Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
