Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
