waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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