The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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