just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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