Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
