Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
