The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
