i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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