i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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