: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
