i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It's just like the Real World with babies
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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