3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
