The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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