Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
