I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
