dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
