I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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