new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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